Taken

I named one of my teams after the band Throw Me The Statue, but was dismayed to discover there was another team called 4-Toed Statue. I changed to The Brunettes, who happen to be opening for TMTS, though that wasn't necessarily on my mind at the time.

Rule #2 for fantasy football this year: Don't name your team after someone else's unless you are making fun of them.

Finally finding a league where I could use my original name of choice, I discovered I needed a QB in the first round of a 20-team draft; I had the sixth pick. The guy drafting first was going to take Michael Turner, which ordinarily is acceptable but not in a league where QB yardage gets the same point value as others, and you get half a point per completion as well as 6 pts per passing TD. Turner was outscored by over 25 quarterbacks in 2008 under these settings. I wanted Brees, Brady, or Manning at pick 6 and would have taken Rodgers or Romo and thought hard about Warner. Much to my dismay, the guy picking first started broadcasting the abnormality of the settings in the chat box.

Rule #3 for fantasy footballthis year: Don't advertise in the pre-draft chat box that people should check the settings. League commissioners are exempted from rule #3.

Anyone who doesn't check the settings on their own before entering the draft is unlikely to play out the season anyway. You might help them avoid early frustration by cluing them in, but something else will go wrong and they'll quit. I would happily have traded them Shaun Hill after the draft. Actually, I had to trade Hill because I made the mistake of taking two wk 6 byes - Peyton Manning being my starter. I quickly found a league mate who had done the same, and flipped Hill for Jason Campbell

Rule #4 Don't worry about taking two QBs with the same bye. Not a genius move, but easy to overcome

You're only starting one QB anyway, and if they're similar and you're doing matchups it's fine for each week but one. Last year I did this on purpose after Kurt Warner went undrafted in an autopick league right before the word came through that he was starting. I picked up Warner despite having McNabb on the same bye, as I hate McNabb as a fantasy QB. I flipped McNabb for Jay Cutler, and even if Cutler had been average not great, it didn't matter as I was only starting one QB in the first place.

Gotcha

i was in an auction draft recently with this guys who first insisted that you take your sleepers in the first few rounds not the top players. then they laughed at me for spending all my money early - larry fitz; andre johnson; michael turner; steve slaton and a $10 anthony gonzalez to fill out my key offensive positions (2RB, 2WR 1 W/R). Then I started picking my sleepers, and when I went $3 on Donald Brown and won him, the one guy says "who is that?"

Fantasy Football rule #1 for the year: do not talk smack in the draft if you don't know who Donald Brown is.

I also got scheffler for $1 at TE and garrard for $2 at QB.

free fall

while the red sox continue to find new ways to struggle, my fantasy baseball team is slowly making its way to the end of the regular season. i lost my last matchup 3-5 with one tie, but somehow my chief rival lost 3-6. it's nice to stay in first place, but the omens are not good; seemingly all batters on my team are hitting at .250 or below lately, and encarnacion has been terrible since coming to the al. he'd actually been decent right before the trade, so there was reason to hope.

oh that football

while i'm glad that the english premier league is about to get going again, i am actually talking about american football today and nearly always. this seemed like the proper time to start some mock drafts - an activity i recommend despite its pitfalls. of course i ended up drafting last, which left me with drew brees and calvin johnson as my first two choices. no intriguing running backs were left at that point. the last thing i want is to take brandon jacobs with the twelfth pick. clearly it's advantageous to take a running back early, and their value is the easiest to protect of any offensive position. i'm behind that logic, i'm just not behind it enough to take unreliable players with my top two picks.

mock drafting is the purest form of consequence-free fantasy sports. considering the rapidity with which online players abandon their teams, i shouldn't have been surprised when multiple mock drafters apparently abandoned their teams before the draft actually began. i suppose i should create a 'full auto' profile and draft three teams that i will plan not to touch all year. once one of them clinches a playoff spot, i'll go back to managing actively and try to win a championship. i feel the chances of this working are incredibly slim.