you might as well blink

it was just the other night, enjoying a pre-release version of the new frustrated felines game and a tall glass of whatever it is that keeps you (yes, you) up at night, that i realized the problem with my life. it isn't apparent to most people, but a steady diet of disposable pie flavors, amusingly-armed cartoon cats, and fleece blankets is enough to break my concentration. life itself becomes visible when there is little on the horizon, that time for reflection being most critical. to put it in stereotypically confusing terms, what is not apparent is not apparent until nothing is apparent. while some folks are figuring the best colored wall to cast their shadows against, the rest of us are waiting around for a more meaningful experience than the same old 'solve this riddle to unlock' mobile phone game. life, in short, is frustratingly feline.

in a world with no jaws

there are only two types of people in a world with no jaws. those who should and those who say nothing at all. the former are valued for their ability to consume popsicles and extinguish birthday candles. the latter are considered prime dating material by librarians and shoplifters.

i own a partial share in a couch

because no one can own a couch. just like no one owns the magma feeding the couchcano that spewed it to life.

at minimum, the title has to be sarcastic

there are times to ask the simple questions, and there are times when you are stuck probing the mysteries that keep people going from day to day. i don't mean the meaning of life questions. i'm not going to figure out how to give the rest of my money to apple. maybe they could use it. after all, the ceo is sick and all everyone seems to care about is their stock price. i feel bad, but then he wants and deserves his privacy. it seems like some journalistic best wishes wouldn't hurt, though. i get that publicly traded companies and private lives don't always mix well. in all seriousness, though, i know why everything apple has to be such a big deal these days. i have a hard time thinking of something that has brought the sense of wonder that the iphone did, and continues to do.

i wonder at times whether people realize how much the iphone changed the way we interact with technology. the blackberry is probably the only other mobile device that has created anything like the pathos of the iphone.

while we're letting the old pc wars replay themselves in the smartphone arena, let's not forget how we got here this time. a product came along that combined new and existing technologies in a way that changed the dynamics of the entire marketplace. then, things got complicated as the responses from competitors became more compelling on their own merits. not only is the closed vs. open platform debate restarting, so is the issue of the innovating platform being ripped off by an imitator that grabs a higher market share. all of this is far less interesting to me than the replay of the old logic versus emotion debate.

apple's products have this emotional life, generating feelings of loyalty or affection. some people don't like this, and argue that there's no rational reason for this, because apple users are blind to the superior speed, capabilities, etc of other products. the problem is, that type of reasoning is just responding to an emotionally appealing product by arguing that there is no logic to back up that pathos.

it really doesn't matter; we can use whatever technology we want and it shouldn't bother us what other people use. but as i type this on a laptop that at times recently has slid back to its old habit of demanding a double(!) reboot to get on the internet, i'd say that my emotional relationship to a device has a huge impact on my experience using it. it doesn't matter what specs my computer has if it gets in my way when i'm trying to do something simple. it especially doesn't matter what specs my computer has when i recently found out i was wrong both about the processor speed and amount of ram installed on it. having used it for almost two years, i know what it's like; it's infuriatingly resistant to wifi. no matter what specs and capabilities it has, it's just a lemon unless that mess goes away.

i leave my laptop on whenever possible, just so i don't have to trick it back into a wifi connection again. it seems trivial, but it poisons my relationship with a computer i have decorated with stickers and that i enjoy in most regards. i just find myself looking for things to do while i give it the two to six minutes it frequently needs to find the wifi.

this seems crazy because technology has become so instant. i can wake my ipod touch and get the weather in what seems like an instant. if you count the time it takes to walk to the room that has your thermometer, it's as fast as checking the temperature and gives you a forecast as well. in a world where technology works seamlessly enough to replace and one-up our most trusted sources of information, i'm over playing the waiting game and/or tug-of-war to get online.

so despite its endearing role as my sticker canvas, its ideal weight, and marathon battery life, i've never felt comfortable with my laptop. it has little value to me because it's never been able to earn my trust. maybe that's what we want from technology, whether it's built on the logic of knowing you've gotten the bang for your buck that apple has never been interested in delivering, the long list of features that apple rarely matches, or the human touches that apple regularly nails. the reasons differ, the arguments focus on completely separate concepts, but we probably all want the same thing. we want computers, phones, and devices that inspire our confidence.

but really, back to the big questions. why is it that hard-boiled eggs are smarter than us? i for one am sick of eating a breakfast that can outsmart me.

redacted

red sox. pessimism. red sox. pessimism.

honesty is our policy, even when things get redacted.

i should have said this long ago

it would not have bothered me tremendously if the yankees had signed carl crawford. in fact, i was basically hoping they would.

blackberry unveils genius low-cost marketing plan

research in motion, famed blackberry bakers, have apparently abandoned their comedy central stop-motion poolside hipster ad campaign to grab attention the cheapest way possible: by getting sued.

though most media outlets have interpreted research in motion's recent announcement of the blackberry playbook as a competitor to the ipad. what cracks me up the most is when they start talking about the price. the most important price on the playbook is this one: free.

free? how can a tablet be sold for free? it can't, but if it infringes upon the iconic naming convention of a rich and litigious competitor, it can generate a lot of free publicity. that's right, the playbook is a play for attention. the current news focuses on research in motion's technological challenge to the ipad. soon, though, we'll have steve jobs firing lawyers until apple legal challenges this thing in court. macbook, ibook, powerbook, playbook? tell me which of those doesn't fit. yup, they all fit. so i think apple will see rim in court.

i mean seriously, you thought they named the "first professional tablet" the "play"book because it sent the right brand message? please. still, maybe they're just faking the initial ad campaign to mess with us. everyone knows only consumer-targeted blackberries come with cameras. this one has two.